Secrets About My Ex

My Ex always seemed a little shy about the size of his package and then i found out why…it was like a roll of dimes. Yep…five dollars worth of junk there. How he got someone else to want to play with it I will never know.

My ex told me she was glad my brother and I looked so much alike because she liked to fantasize about having both of us together. Not a fantasy I was willing to work with.

My ex used to give me a bj every time my mom would call. She thought it was funny to see me struggle to keep my voice even and keep my words making sense. Terrifying and a little creepy but totally worth it.

Today a friend told me she saw pics of my ex on facebook. She started by saying, “you’re too good for him, because he posted pics of him and his new girlfriend at the beach, and he totally has man boobs. He has man boobs so bad, I had to show my boyfriend.”

Suck it, ex boyfriend!

My ex was sick and asked me to go and get her some soup. I went and got her some fresh soup and walked it over to her place in the snow. When I got there she told me she already took off her makeup so I should just leave it out side the door. The flowers I got her went straight to the homeless lady that was asking for change on the corner.